Thursday, December 03, 2009

Wedding Woes

For those who have already assumed that my wedding has been fixed, and that I am going to plaster my blog with all the pre-wedding woes, the trousseau, the venue, the menu... hold that thought right there!

Those who know me well will know that I have managed to evade that pretty successfully till now. This is about the woes of not being wedded! Not that I am desperate to get hitched to the next thing that is male, and that my dreams comprise of only settling down in connubial bliss. But, I am sure 20 somethings (or, should I say 18 somethings) will agree that there comes a point in life when all you hear is about marriages being fixed, or you end up being asked, "So... when do you plan on marriage?" or variants along those lines. It amounts to nothing to many. You may wonder why I am making a fuss out of considerate people quizzing me about my plans to 'settle down' (ain't I settled otherwise?).

But believe me, such thoughts can get on your nerves, especially if you are toeing the 'golden age' of marriage or (God forbid) are well past it. A woman shouldn't be asked her age; to save you that embarrassment, let me declare that I am past 24, well onto being 25 years old next August. I don't know whether that's within the 'normal' range or beyond it (these lines were, after all, only our creations). But the fact is, it is a step to be taken. And I cannot hide from it (no, not only physically!!!).

And so, owing to social pressures (read: pestering people at various family functions), and our parents' concerns (read: after-effects of talking to the pestering people at various family functions), we (my sister and I) decided to give this thought some merit. As of date, the only step (in the right direction) we have taken is to create a profile for ourselves on a website (yes, the new-age marriage brokers: marriage portals!). Our parents went ahead and availed paid services. And to date, there has been no real action taking place. I can't, plainly speaking, take a fancy to screening profiles, staring at photos, reading the bio-data of a thousand men and then going into the intricacies of horoscope, the match, and so on.

In fact, at first I found it amusing, then irritating and now.... totally annoying to see messages in my inbox. And the fact that we are here in Mysore, and our parents are in Kerala do not help either. Thus, in effect, we have handed over the responsibility of searching out decent guys to Mom, who's often found peering at profiles at odd times in the day. She then sends us some profiles she finds interesting. We have a cursory (or rather perfunctory) glance, and we respond by sending an "interested" message if we also concur with her choice, which has been far and few (not my choice, silly! The number of profiles she sends!). And since a horoscope match is a must, and our horoscopes aren't the kinds for which matches are found easily, I think it is a long way ahead.

But there are some observations I have to make at this point of time. First of all, women these days seem over-qualified than their counterparts. This happens to be the trend these days. Women are mostly doing their post-graduation and most men aren't (well, generalizations have exceptions). Thus you find that when you are trying to make a match, this stands out. When I set out to do my post-graduation, I did hear comments from some people who said that doing my Masters would put me at some disadvantage in the 'marriage market'. I can see what they meant now! I don't think I have any problems marrying a guy who has done only his Bachelors; but wise people tell me that it might end up as points of arguments, post marriage. I would love to hear guys' views on this. Any comments?

Another VERY important trend is that men seem to be eager beavers when it comes to marriage! It is maybe the IT industry (or the plenty of employment opportunities) that makes men breadwinners early in their lives. The net result is that they want to get married by 25 and even less. Of course, if I had to talk of love marriages, it happens even faster! With the result that 24+ women seem slightly at a disadvantage; as men want younger life partners. Again my opinion; those willing to disagree are always welcome.

As of now, we have unofficially put it to some kind of halt for now. But it's a thought I can't escape. Wherever I look around, friends are getting married: from school, undergraduation... and even here, in my post-graduation college! Marriages are taking place left, right and centre; and of all kinds - love, arranged and so on. I open social networking sites to see my friends (and even my juniors!) change their relationship status to "committed", plaster pictures of their pre-engagement function, engagement, pre-wedding function, wedding, reception, honeymoon, post-honeymoon... well, you get the drift!
Couples raptured by their discovery of a new life together, posing away to glory in their gorgeous outfits, the million dollar smiles, the glowing faces, the hope for a bright tomorrow putting even the flashes of cameras to shame.... I no doubt wish all of them the best in their lives; but it increasingly worries me to see so many get married! It reminds me of my spinsterhood! Just yesterday, I got to know of three of my friends' engagement. And some of my married friends are proud moms already (or are expecting).

Jokes apart, I sometimes wonder about when mine will take place, and how it will be. Frankly, I find this whole groom hunting business a tad too tedious. And I should be the one proactive in finding a guy; it's not like my mom should be the one looking out. I do have some few friends to accompany me in this minority.

Well, as of now that's where I am - 24, single and happy (for God knows how long). This story aint over yet. Some day I hope to announce my plans of wedding on my blog. Till then, as they say, I am going to enjoy this party while it lasts!

Thought for the day: " A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then, it's too late."

~ Frank Sinatra, 'The Joker is Wild'


  1. Two facts that you have questioned here are.. age and education!!!

    Age- when men are getting married at 24 or less, why should they marry someone who is older? Women are more matured for the same age and hence after marriage it will be always like a elder sister who always guides the person in all his actions. A motherly approach starts from the side of women which obviously doesnt fancy the guy!!!

    Bachelors vs Masters: Ego shoots up when ppl dont think. They dont think when they fight. And men get the feeling that this gal is talking too much and showing off that she is educated. Had she been equal or more, she wouldnt have a cahnce to "Raise" her voice.

    "And some of my married friends are proud moms already (or are expecting). Jokes apart, I sometimes wonder about when mine will take place..."... heheeehe!! already started tinking about that?? I mean.. even before marriage?? Hahahaha!

  2. Lol.. lol.... lol..
    What more do you expect??? lol...

  3. Wow. Thank you for your rant about how ppl put up status updates on facebook stating their relationship status. It put a lot of things into perspective in my head.. You write well. I liked your post on the sms language. I could swear by what you've written...

  4. Thanks Victor, for that generous comment :)



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