Thursday, March 08, 2012

How 'Online Smart' are we?



The other day, I was surprised to see a status update on Facebook. So yes, a zillion inconsequential things appear on one’s timeline, but this took me by surprise. Or was it shock? Or disbelief? Or was it a sense of confusion?

Here was a person announcing his father’s death (I am sure, quite promptly) on FB. Now I was very uncomfortable when I saw this. I don’t know about you, but FB is the last thing that would be on my mind if I were in his place; forget announcing this news to all and sundry over there. To give him the benefit of the doubt, let me add that his father was a well-known artist and hence, he probably decided to let a wider audience know of it. But really? An FB status update saying ‘my dad is no more’ is the LAST thing I expected to see (okay, no – there are far weirder stuff going on there). And what’s more, there were 70+ odd comments on it and idiotically enough, one ‘Like’. Thank God there was only one!  But I’d really like to ask that one person who ‘liked’ this post – what’s there to ‘like’ about someone losing his father?

I’ve always believed that we haven’t quite learnt how to use social networking sites. No one’s discreet about what goes up there – some really personal honeymoon snaps and/or crazy party pictures that people have uploaded (among others) drove me to this conclusion. I am not saying that one must fabricate one’s online persona so that it appears ‘cool’ on FB; it’s another thing that people are doing it to perfection with no instructions! But then, you must know what is okay to be seen and what’s not. I’ve also seen many girls (yes, ‘girls’ not ‘women’ – because they’ve not obviously grown up!) post how they miss their ‘better halves’ (probably he’s away on a trip, or she’s away from home). I mean, really? If you miss him, then you need to let him know that, not the rest of the world! And it’s anybody’s guess that phones exist, and they are already talking – but hell no, we need to know that she’s missing him oh-so-much. Give me a break!

I deviate – but not by much. There’s another phenomenon I’m not comfortable with. And that’s posting ‘RIP’ on a person’s FB Wall after he dies. I am sure you are also familiar with this. I had a senior pass away, a month or more back. And then I saw his wall being flooded with the ‘Miss You’, ‘RIP bro’ and the likes. I fail to fathom what this kind of solidarity is supposed to mean. Bereavement, I thought, was an intensely private experience. I am sure that you are sad at his demise, but is it essential to make a display of it by putting up such statements on his Wall? Is he going to read it? What purpose does it serve? If you need to offer any condolence, what you really need to do is go out there and offer some to his parents/relatives; if it means that much to you. Not mark a commiseration of sorts online.

I don’t know where this is headed, but I only wish people were a tad more sensible and sensitive, especially when it comes to personal tragedies. I still believe that some parts of our lives are sacrosanct. It’s for only us to know and for us to decide whom to share it with. Maybe collectively, we haven’t reached that place, where we know how to deal with things online – but I wish it was sooner.
***
P.S. I know, lame title. I couldn't get anything sensible to express what this post conveys. Suggestions?

15 comments:

  1. Trademark Viji post. :)

    I nodded at every point. Infact I think this post of yours should be embedded into the FB terms and conditions acceptance with a small check box which says- "I agree not to post anything stupid"

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    1. >>Viji post???
      Sam, you are on Vini's blog... hehe. I'll ignore it as an oversight! ;)
      And love that idea; maybe I should sell this to FB :D

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    2. :P I meant Vini post. Blunt and direct. That is Vini :)

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    3. Ayyo! I hope you meant my post is blunt and direct; not my comment above :|
      Blunt and direct is me? Hmm. I thought Viji was more of it - or maybe I'm wrong :D

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  2. I know exactly what you're talking about! Status messages have become downright ridiculous. Here's something I'd ranted a while back.
    http://priyankavictor.blogspot.in/2011/08/miffed-spiff.html

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    1. Hehe. You could still add to that list - 'coz when I conclude that people can't get any more ridiculous... lo and behold! They never fail to surprise me! There seriously needs to be a crash-course on 'How to Write an FB Status Update' or 'What NOT to share as an FB status update'.

      Pssst... I dread that some day (or night!) people will have it good in bed (you know what I mean *wink*) and then be prompted to put it up as an update! I mean, looks like that's the wonly aspect not covered on FB! :|

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    2. :D :D You're right! Soon as they finish, they'll jump right out of bed and update "Had an awesome time in bed. Now off to cuddle. Muah muah so-and-so. You rock my world". And that so and so will promptly log in from the phone and like the status update.

      Have you checked out lamebook.com, by the way? Please do, if not! :D

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    3. Haha. Didn't know that a Lamebook existed! Thanks for that info ;)

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  3. I so appreciate Ur effort to write this post. Mks complete sense. It's indeed weird and bizarre how in very personal moments too ppl think of nothing but updating their status on Fb. It's been a while I've been thinking that it has lost what we had in terms of real connectivity and personal expression. Everything seems nothing but a facade! It's giving ppl that narcissistic boost n everyone loves it. And yeah ur post only makes me feel what trash ppl come up with to become popular! Almost like lessons need to be given to know wht is a civil behaviour online too

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    1. Thank you Aakriti. Even I'm psyched about it - how is it that we sometimes think of putting up FB statuses even in very personal moments! I plead guilty - well, atleast some times I've thought 'now this would make a cool update'!
      And you're bang on when you say that real connectivity is lost - I mean, I wonder if people even recollect how it was to stay 'connected' in the pre-FB era. It's basically because we're all grappling with using such networking sites properly - whether it be privacy, display of thoughts/emotions, etc. Maybe with time, we'll collectively get better - but then, it can go the other way too.

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  4. A very much sensible post vini!
    Though I havent come across much status updates as u mentioned here,much show off updates are seen,which don't even hold a chicken feed of sincerity and truthfulness...it is really disconcerting ! And,the other day i was taken aback to see some photos of a funeral posted as public,to which viji has replied aptly!
    Pray,let these people get sense as to (like u said) WHAT TO and WHAT NOT TO share in social networking sites !

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    1. Thanks Mridu. I agree with you - the show-off updates are an eyesore. And it's sad that people make an event of accidents on FB now! Probably they wanted to put up pics of the funeral in another sense (sharing the sorrow?) - but then, I couldn't just digest it. We can only wish that people become sensible. Let's see.

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    2. We can hope for the best!

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  5. Agreed to the last dot!
    I had written http://dreamer-dreamnomore.blogspot.in/2011/04/dis-like-facebook-like.html in April last year.

    And one more. you can still use blogs/ social networking sites for dealing with loss in a sensible way. The second link talks abt the mother grieving for her lost child.

    http://blabberblah.wordpress.com/tributes-and-links/
    http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/she-would-have-been-21-today-and-i-miss-her/

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    1. Thanks Dreamer! I was checking out the links you left. That indeed was tragic.

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